We’re a “Good” Company

April 29th, 1996 Posted in Cubicle Blues

While editing a document written by our senior VP today, I noticed an annoying habit of hers to quote every other word. I suspect it was an attempt to emphasize the words, which was ironic, since it gave the impression that the things she was discussing were either “outright lies” or “laced with sarcasm.” Check out the following quote, for instance:

This system is implemented with clients while maintaining and enhancing Staff Co.’s high quality standards and our core philosophy of delivering “productivity improvement” and “measurable results”. As the latest business buzzphrases state “People are everything”, it is “Human Capital” that drives an organization’s success or failure.

If I were pitching you on Staff Co.’s services, and whenever I said the words “productivity improvement” and “measurable results” I made little quotation gestures, what would your impression be? That I was employing irony? That I didn’t believe what I was saying? That I didn’t think either term was accurate or possible? That I was a moron?

I also enjoy how she’s taken the time to mock buzzphrases while simultaneously employing them throughout. Immediately after saying this, actually, she proceeds to use buzzwords like most people use nouns. A few gems:

“We believe that Staff Co.’s value proposition will provide buyers with real value that will be sustainable in the longer term.”

“[The Client] as a market leader within Canada can attract a large segment of the marketplace who would like to purchase and use “best in class” staffing services -at prices that provide them with “human capital” that they want and need.”

“We know that if the partners and the people are a good fit, then the right decisions can together be made.”

“I drink lead proactively.”