Top Five Female Celebrity Fantasy Make-outs
1) Shirley Manson
First Garbage album era only. I feel the need to clarify that I find her new “Bridgette-Neilson-albino-crewcut” thing not at all sexy and actually kind of disturbing.
2.) Alyson Hannigan
American Pie 2 era (though I fully realize clarifying this leaves me open to attacks that I’ve seen American Pie 2).
3.) Heather Graham
Austin Powers 2 era, not Boogie Nights era, surprisingly. My rationale here is that, while in Boogie Nights Heather Graham got nasty with the granite-muscled Mark Wahlberg, in the Powers sequel she found the pudgy, snaggle-toothed Mike Myers inexplicably irresistable. I’m just properly guaging my chances here.
4.)Rachel Leigh Cook
All over me like a feral animal era.
5.) Thora Birch / Christina Ricci / Rose McGowan
Three-way tie for my affection from the hottest full-bodied dark-haired starlets in Hollywood. Oh, the times we’d have—them stripping provocatively down to nothing; me prematurely ejaculating just watching them; the three of them leaving my place in an angry, dissatisfied huff; me capping off the night by watching SportsCentre in my underwear, happy just to have been involved.