Commander Masterson:

The Other Sides of the Waves

Trailer Exclusive!

Ever since May, the internet has been alive with rumors about Russell Crowe's upcoming film Commander Masterson: The Other Sides of the Waves. Based on the teaser trailer circulated online earlier this year, critics and fans alike were left to speculate on the few snippets of footage it revealed. Many agreed that the film would be "awesome." Others felt it would "have boats in it," and still others postulated it might "star Russell Crowe." Other camps disagreed, protesting that the film would be "bottomlessly awful," "have no boats in it at all" and "star Justin and Kelly from American Idol."

These people were soon directed to the proper trailer... and debate sparked anew! Would Crowe wear chaps and epaulets throughout the film? Or were we merely seeing glimpses of the suspenseful "Big Chap Finale" that was rumored to have cost upwards of $50 million dollars to film? Did Russell Crowe simply show up on set every day wearing his regular night-on-the-town chaps and epaulets and forget to change into his costume before filming?

Would Crowe engage in Shatneresque gut-sucking throughout the film, as in the trailer, or would his stomach be removed in post-production, at a rumored cost of $80 million dollars?

Were those cannonballs flying across the screen, often directly at us—or were they, as Commander Masterson forum regular Sn00pDaWG35 maintained, some manner of small, rounded spacecraft, costing the studio "upwards of $500 powzillion dollars" to bring to the silver screen?

What was that syringe-like object sticking out of Russell Crowe’s arm in several of the scenes? Why were the star’s eyes so glassy throughout the trailer?

Debate heated up even further in June, when distributor 20th Century Fox released these three posters for immediate placement in theaters across the country:

Internet "emailing" doubled in the week following the release of these posters, from 200 emails to well over 400. Clearly the film had struck a chord of some kind; and fans were eager for more information about this landmark film. Sadly, none came, and millions of people saw Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle instead, deeply hurt by the betrayal.

Now, finally, months of speculation, arguments and even some hurt feelings can be laid to rest. The first cinematic trailer for Commander Masterson: The Other Sides of the Waves was released online this past weekend!

The Trailer Trash was first in line online (in a speculative, non-corporeal sense) to download the coming attraction as soon as it was available. Our team of experts have spent the past two days dissecting the trailer frame by frame, exhaustively poring over every pixel, often just staring and staring at one picture for what seemed like hours, until we managed to uncover as much of the truth about Commander Masterson that we're allowed to print!

And now, without further ado, buckle your swashes, buccaneers! Grab your swords and medallions and gold teeth, shiver your timbers, adjust the parrot on your shoulder, grab your sailor's pancakes, put on your sailing boots, dance a merry sailing jig, and walk the fucking plank! When you're done all that, click below, for The Trailer Trash's Exclusive…

COMMANDER MASTERSON TRAILER EXPOSE!