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If my knowledge of Rob Zombie is any judge, I'll bet it had something to do with loud guitars and drag racing. Possibly zombies were involved in some way. I assure you they will be questioned. Never in my wildest dreams did I ever think the day would come when I would be forced to recognize Rob Zombie as an auteur. This word is generally reserved for classic directors like Alfred Hitchcock and Stanley Kubrick, whose films are defined by a strong personal style that is unmistakably their own. Also, its usage is most generally confined to film students, who throw it around in a pompous effort to suggest that they're smarter and more cultured than everybody else. In other words, it's a term best used sparingly, unless you want your immaculately trimmed goatee ripped from your chin and wrapped around your head while your ass gets kicked. But that's the thing about Rob Zombie. Although he'll never be mistaken for Hitchcock (the size difference alone should bypass any mistaken identity problems), he has spent years developing an admittedly singular style and vision, with which he has become pretty much synonymous. Now, granted, this singular style and vision seems to be composed entirely out of large-breasted porn stars, drag-racing speedsters and the cartoonish, tattooed undead. Still though — Zombie has enjoyed a remarkable degree of creative control over his projects, from White Zombie to his own solo career; and his creative embracing, for better or worse, of Russ Meyer films and Hammer-era retro-horror kitsch has been a vital part of his music, videos and artwork. The teaser for House of 1000 Corpses suggests that he has had no trouble adapting his trademark style to the medium of film. House of 1000 Corpses - or "HO1KC," as it's become known on the internet, where the action moves so fast that there's just no time to use whole entire words! — looks at first glance to be a fairly typical horror film. The teaser treats us to all kinds of quick flashes of creepy monsters and a slew of pretty young people acting scared, and also badly. And yet there's a certain goofy charm to the whole thing that sets it apart from other films in the genre. The teaser's promotion of the film, for instance, which states with some pride that HO1KC is a film "people don't want you to see," is a perfect example of how the trailer attempts to stand alone from other horror movies. It's essentially asking for recognition as a Rocky Horror Picture Show-like film that only certain people daring enough to swim away from the mainstream will "get." This obvious praise of the discerning viewer's taste never bothers to mention the possibility that most of Hollywood's studios may have passed on HO1KC not because it was "too extreme" or "totally in your face," but because it was an awful movie. Keep in mind Rob Zombie's never actually made a film before. The man's spent his life touring North America in Hallowe'en makeup, after all, dry-humping twenty-foot-tall papier-maché demons four times a week. Put a camera in Alice Cooper's hands, you're not necessarily going to get Citizen Kane handed back to you.
Consequently, if the only thing that distinguishes Zombie's film from the other films of the genre is Zombie himself, there's a huge possibility that this movie isn't going to offer anything particularly new or unique to fans of the horror genre or to fans of his work (criminals, sex offenders and such). The most dedicated of Zombie's fans, who the teaser and ultimately the film are largely targeted towards, probably aren't going to be treated to anything all that different from what they've already seen in one White Zombie video after another. Mind you, it's not like Hollywood has ever had any trouble convincing people to watch something that they've already seen a billion times before. And really, the teaser for House of 1000 Corpses is just blatantly odd enough to make me want to go and see the movie, in spite of all that pompous talk about auteurs and signature styles (for which, once again, I'd really like to apologize). Considering how
self-conscious the horror genre has gotten in recent years, with movies
like the Scream series rising to the top of the heap, I think
it's definitely the right time for Zombie to bring his take on the genre
to the big screen. Hell, at a time when our culture can stand up as
a united front and say "We'd rather go and see the movie about
the rapping kangaroo than watch any of the other movies that are playing
right now," we just might need a big cheesy horror flick to save
us from ourselves. And, if Zombie's film turns out to be horrible, we
just might need something with which to punish ourselves. Either way,
the pressing question remains: honestly, how would you get that many
corpses into one medium-sized house?
RATING:
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If
nothing else, the teaser for Rob Zombie's maiden voyage into the world
of low budget film, House of 1000 Corpses, left me with a lot
of unanswered questions about corpses. I'd seriously like to know where
all of those corpses came from, for instance. A thousand? That just
seems like too many corpses. And how did they manage to fit them all
into one house? I mean, when you think about it, that's really a lot
of corpses. 
Which
brings us to the entire selling point/detraction of the exercise: Rob
Zombie's involvement. Given his celebrity status, and the oddity of
him even making a film, HO1KC will no doubt either sink or swim
entirely on the lure of watching Rob Zombie do good/make a spectacular
ass of himself. That's the problem with a horror movie written and directed
by such a recognizable character (I use the word "character"
deliberately, since Rob Zombie's public identity is as much a product
of his own artistic vision as anything else he's created): it's difficult
to judge on the basis of its own merits. For all I know, it might not
have any merits of its own; take away Zombie's oddball presence, and
you might be left with nothing more than another version of The House
on Haunted Hill. And Lord knows, we need at least seventeen more
of those.