Review by Matt Blair View This Trailer I’m not what you would call a James Bond fan. I don’t know how many James Bond movies have been made, and I probably couldn’t name half of them. I don’t know who played Bond in which movie, or what any of them were about. I have no idea who George Lazenby is. I did see Moonraker once when I was a kid, but that’s about it. But the way I see it, my utter lack of knowledge and interest in the Bond movies makes me the perfect candidate to review a Bond trailer like Die Another Day, the latest in the Bond series. After all, it’s safe to say that this trailer is targeted towards a person like me, and probably you, as opposed to the die-hard Bond fan. These people are going to go and see the next James Bond movie regardless of whether or not the trailer impresses them, just as I’m going to see The Matrix sequels on opening weekend even if the trailer is just two minutes of Laurence Fishburne eating a candy bar. On the other hand, I’m most likely going to read a book and go to the store during the next cable Bond marathon, so I figure that I’m arguably the sort of person this trailer should be attempting to lure into the theater. What impresses me about the Die Another Day trailer is the fact that it came very close to making me want to check out the movie. There were a lot of explosions and plenty of international intrigue, everything was covered in ice, and it all looked like a lot of fun. I mean, there’s no way in hell that Die Another Day is going to be one of next year’s Oscar contenders -- but does look like a big dumb exciting movie, if nothing else (it’s ridiculous how full of ice and explosions this trailer is). Die Another Day looks a lot like your big dumb fun guy at a bar; you enjoy his company for a while, but you know he's not going to say anything remotely intelligent anytime soon. Don’t get me wrong. I’m still not going to see the movie. If the trailer is any indication, then Die Another Day is probably going to be a pretty rough ride for anyone who isn’t already a fan of the franchise. If you know about the characters and the history, then you’ll probably figure it out. But I don’t, so I couldn’t tell you what this movie’s supposed to be about, in spite of the fact that I’ve seen the trailer several times now. I caught something about betrayal, and there was a lot of talk about how reckless and virile James Bond is, but other than that I’m lost. That’s where I think the trailer falls short. Too little time is invested in showing the viewer what this movie is all about, and too much time is spent telling the viewer stuff that everybody already knows about James Bond. We all know that he’s handsome and charming. We all know that he’ll light the fuse on any explosive situation. We’re familiar with the fact that it’s his job to do a lot of awesome spy stuff. Halle Berry pops up for a while, and she does her share of spy stuff as well. So do John Cleese and Judy Dench, and that’s fine. There was even a brief shot of a woman who looked like Maura Tierney from ER, which I thought was awesome because I think she’d make an brilliant and unconventional Bond girl, but I checked and apparently it wasn’t actually her. In the end, you’re left with a trailer that’s exciting, sure, but completely uninformative. And to be fair, I would imagine that the movie itself isn’t going to provide audiences with anything new or unexpected. I’ve got a feeling that Die Another Day is going to be a typical Bond movie (which, because I've seen so few of them, makes your guess as good as mine as to what a typical Bond move involves). While that isn’t necessarily a bad thing, it doesn’t make me want to go rushing out to the theater. Plus, this just looks like such a dopey movie. I didn’t think you could fit so many cringe-inducing one-liners and so much lame sexual innuendo into a single trailer, and I shudder to think of how much of it they must have crammed into the movie. I know that the Hollywood has no problem with repackaging the same brainless action movie year after year, but I honestly can’t understand why the Bond movies have remained so relevant for so long. Speaking of struggling to stay relevant, I notice that Madonna’s done the big musical theme for this one. Which I guess is fine, since, at least in the trailer, she doesn't appear to be in the movie and therefore can’t utterly destroy the careers and lives of everyone else involved. I’m frankly astonished that she was willing to star in Guy Ritchie’s last movie (which bombed horribly and is reportedly going straight to video in the United Kingdom), given the fact that she claims to love the poor man. Anyway, whatever. As I said, I don’t watch Bond movies, and the most significant thing that I can say about the Die Another Day trailer is that it’s failed to make me want to go and break my streak. It came close, I’ll grant you that. But I’ve got a feeling that I’d much rather watch something like this for two minutes and zero dollars than for two hours and twelve dollars. After all, I can look out my window and see all the ice I want. RATING: