Review by Andrew Limmert View This Trailer Let's back this up a little: What are we supposed to be analyzing again? Will the real Billy Crystal please stand up?  Oh, I see. They're doing a little play on words with the title of the
original film, Analyze This. Very clever. Maybe a little too clever,
actually, given that the audience will most likely be composed of people
eager for Crystal to return to the driving comedic power of My Giant or City Slickers 2: The Wrath of Curly Palance.
I have to ask: Why not simply go with the tried-and-true Analyze This 2? Or even The Return of Analyze This? Analyze This: The Analyzing? Hey, if you really want to be clever, why not call it Analyze This TOO? To be as specific as possible, we might want to title it Analyze This As Well. What you lose on the wordplay, I think, you gain back with the accuracy. I think someone told me that De Niro played a gangster in the first film. One of those tough-guy "Tony Soprano" types. Correct me if I'm wrong, but this seemed to be the point of the comedy of the first film: Tough guy acting like a sissy, repeat, repeat, credits. This being the case, I have to wonder how they could have screwed up such a simple concept for the sequel (Analyze This II: The Wrath of Billy Crystal?).  They clearly went overboard with the sissy part. Sure, he's dressed like a
gangster-type. But in the trailer for Analyze That, tough guy DeNiro seems like little more than a whiney little baby who's had his soother taken away. And then, let’s say the soother gets chopped into tiny pieces in front of his infantile eyes. And then maybe someone puts the pieces into a blender
set on "purée" for a few minutes. While another person throws fistfuls of
salt at his eyes. I need a little less suck-ass baby-waby and a little
more smashing guy’s heads in car doors, please.
The shrieking continues. When I was watching it, I couldn’t help saying to myself, "Man! This guy is really UPSET!" If I was even slightly unsure before, that doubt had been entirely swept away. I remember thinking that he’d better have a good reason for being such an emotional mess. Maybe he's suffering from a psychological condition where he can't keep himself from hammering himself in the crotch with his fists? Maybe he's a woman trapped in a man's body? Maybe he's a man trapped in woman's body, which in turn is trapped in a man's body? Maybe he just found out that he's distantly related to Paul Reubens? De Niro kicks it up a few notches. He throws back his head and cries out his anguish -- big, salty, Hollywood tears running down his bumpy cheeks. His crooked maw belts forth such a cacophony of despair that only the hardiest of us would be able to endure.  To sum up: Good Lord. If he wasn't Robert De Niro, man, I'd smack him in the
face until he really had something to cry about. I mean, honestly -- he's a
grown man, for Christ's sake! And one of our most respected actors to boot.
Watching him crap his dignity down a Porta-Potty like this is reason enough
to watch Taxi Driver five times just for the purposes of cleansing. Sure,
he's probably packing a gun, and he's most likely playing either an easily-
crossed, recently-retired trained killer or an easily-crossed,
soon-to-be-retired trained killer, and he'll most likely try to make my
heart stop beating just by squinting at me, but I'm willing to take that
chance at this point.
Just when you think that you can’t take another excruciating second of De Niro’s howling, the trailer redeems itself by sending our cardigan-clad, wooly-headed knight in shining armor to our rescue: Billy Crystal. He winds up with a bony little-girl fist and punches Robert De Niro squarely in the jaw. And miracle of miracles, De Niro actually shuts the hell up as soon as the blow lands. Thank GOD. I know what you’re thinking. Billy Crystal hitting De Niro? Isn’t there a suspension of disbelief statute of limitations in Tinsel Town? If they can show something as over-the-top as that in a so-called self-respecting movie, where do they draw the line? A giant Spongebob Squarepants will ravage Japan. Julia Roberts will star in Showgirls 2: Doin’ It for the Drug Money. Muppets will brandish sub-machineguns and saw-toothed machetes in their quest to take Manhattan for KEEPS, this time. And Winona Ryder will rip off a large department store for thousands of dollars worth of merchandise. Come to think of it, scratch the last one. It gets more disturbing from there. De Niro likes getting smacked around, or so it appears in the trailer. De Niro repeatedly gushes about how “good” Billy is, making me question my original notions. Isn’t Billy Crystal supposed to be playing a psychotherapist? Is this some kind of twisted form of therapy? Or is Billy Crystal in fact playing Robert De Niro’s private dominatrix? A dominatrix wearing a tie and cardigan, no less. I have no clue what this movie is about, and quite frankly, I have a feeling that we’ve already seen its one big scene after seeing the trailer. I’m just a little insulted that the studio is expecting us to lay down our money on blind faith, here. I can tell you that Robert De Niro and Billy Crystal are in it. I can tell you that De Niro appears to be playing the most pathetic excuse for a grown man I’ve ever seen, and that Billy Crystal is playing either a psychotherapist or an embarrassingly improperly-dressed dominatrix. Oh, and Billy Crystal is “good.” Past that, buyers beware. RATING (For people who want to see Billy Crystal smack De Niro in the chops): 
RATING (For everyone else):
|