Something We can All Agree On…
While buying a coffee today, I overheard the cashier chatting to another employee about a CD she planned on lending him.
“Oh, which one?” asked a customer in line.
“Madonna’s Immaculate Collection.”
“Oooh, good choice,” he gushed.
“Yeah,” she said, nodding at her own sagacity. “Everyone likes Madonna.”
I didn’t feel the need to refute her on this. But I do privately question her conclusions. I can’t help but think it’s somewhat presumptuous to assume that everyone—tax attorneys, Korean war veterans, Inuit whale butchers—are undivided on their love of “Papa Don’t Preach”.
World peace? I think all but the most dedicated republicans could agree on that. A cure for cancer? I think that’s a pretty solid “yes”. You might get a few stragglers at first who misheard the question, and don’t want a cure for dancers, as it doesn’t even make sense. Once you explained it to them, though, I think they’d all agree.
But Madonna? I don’t MIND Madonna. But it’s a pretty bold stance to take, really, on Madonna’s popularity. Not as controversial as, say, “Everyone likes genital lice,” or “Everyone thinks the Holocaust was a good idea.” But I can think of many, many things we the human race could agree on besides putting on Madonna’s latest album. “Everybody likes not getting kicked in the face” would be a safe bet, I think, if cornered to make a pronouncement of this kind. “Everybody thinks Phil Collins should go away” is also playing it safe.
Then again, I’ve never heard Immaculate Collection, so it’s possible I’m in the dark here. Maybe the accumulative power of all of Madonna’s pop hits is more persuasively catchy than I’m giving it credit for. Honestly, though, I’m pretty sure I’d rather listen to Zeppelin.
“Ah,” you might retort. “So you’re saying that everybody would rather listen to Led Zeppelin? Isn’t that just as presumptuous?”
“No,” I’d respond. “Let me clarify this. I’D rather listen to Zeppelin. Everyone else can go fuck themselves.”
Say. I think that’s the universal maxim I was looking for, actually. Now THERE’S something we can all agree on.
“Everybody can go fuck themselves.” Words to live by. Words to go fuck yourself by.