Rejected Game Concepts #92: “The Thief of Thievery: A Thief’s Tale”
November 30th, 2007 Posted in Off-site Articles, Quick Bits
Welcome to the mythic land of Eldibrom—an enormous open fantasy world with brave warriors, enormous monsters and powerful wizards! And while they’re off questing and having glorious adventures, you’ll be skulking around in dark corners, taking their things from them!
You are Rick, an illiterate pig-farmer, and you’re sick of knights and princesses thinking they’re so big: doing heroic things, everybody loving them, strutting around like they’re so handsome and cool. Life’s so easy for them. But maybe they’ll think twice when they get home and notice all their shit’s missing, huh?
Unlike other thief games we could mention, that force you to use stealth and strategy, Thief of Thievery realizes you’re a busy gamer with things to do, and standing around for forty minutes waiting for a guard to leave his post isn’t one of them. That’s why Thief of Thievery takes all the stealth and strategy out of thievery. How? You steal at night, so everybody’s asleep.
You’ve just broken into the Eldibromian king’s bedroom. He and his wife, Queen Lassafrass, slumber peacefully, unaware you just picked their lock, walking on in like you own the place.
In fact, why not celebrate a little? You just broke into the king’s bedroom, after all. Look at those fancy 1000-thread count sheets of his, that sumptuous comforter, that smug f*cking expression. How about giving him a little something to remember you by?
Don’t think we forgot about the missus. Give her a little face music too.
In fact, prior to 9am, do pretty much anything you like. Take everything that isn’t nailed down. Chill out a while if that’s your thing. Read a magazine. Pose the people you’re stealing from—they’re not waking up any time soon. Thief of Thievery lets you vent your frustrations at the upper class while teaching you valuable real-life lessons about fencing things you’ve stolen and dealing drugs in the day-time, when you can’t steal.
Thief of Thievery’s open world structure means you can either steal for money, or for pleasure. Take and sell items of sentimental value from NPCs—items you don’t even need or want! Later, in your citizen disguise, tell them you heard about the recent robbery of their home to get a hilarious story of their devastating loss.
Thief of Thievery: because they think they’re so big, and they’re not.
No Responses to “Rejected Game Concepts #92: “The Thief of Thievery: A Thief’s Tale””
By Frank on Dec 3, 2007
Jesus Christ, is that John Malkovich?
By Eric on Dec 5, 2007
Erm, what happened to SGD? It’s redirecting to the mothership now.
By Jay Pinkerton on Dec 5, 2007
SGD’s undergoing a rename and server transfer, it seems. In the meantime, I’ve mirrored the article here…
By Luis on Dec 9, 2007
So far, the problem’s that these games actually sound better than most of the crap that comes out every quarter for the PC.
By Benji on Dec 9, 2007
A soggy backpack?
I would totally play that game.
By Josh on Dec 10, 2007
That motherfucking motherfucker in the motherfucking doorway is a motherfucking motherfucked up motherfucker, motherfucker.
Just look at his motherfucking face, for motherfuck’s sake. His motherfuckinating left eye is like three motherfuckariffic inches above his Mothra-fucking right eye. That motherfucker is fucked right the fuck up his motherfucker. Like, motherFUCK, you know? Fuck his motherfucking mother, right? Oh motherfuck yeah, you want to fuck his fucking mother, motherfucker. I bet you motherfucking like that, the fucking of mothers, don’t you, motherfucker?
By Eric on Dec 11, 2007
Jay, those image descriptions are the icing on the cake.
Browsacking, check it and see…
Cool!
By Grizzly Timmins on Dec 14, 2007
Eldibrom? Pinkerton, you crack me up
By Fleeb on Dec 14, 2007
Sadly, I know these images came from playing Oblivion, or at least using that engine and those graphics.
I say ’sadly’, because it means I play far too many games.
The ‘horsedancing’ image had me laughing hysterically, though.
By nixo on Dec 16, 2007
Well done. We need more of this and less real world.
By dude on Dec 16, 2007
Actually, Fleeb, these images are from a game called Thief, on X-box (the first one).
I’m way more insignifigant in my life studies than you! Eat it.
By Stijn on Dec 17, 2007
Like Luis said, some actual games are a lot weirder dan this. We need some more edge here Jay. Right now, I’m just reasonably amused. ;)
By CombatWombat on Dec 17, 2007
Actually, Dude, you’re BOTH right. That man who appears to be the player-character is “Whatever-his-name-is” from Thief: Deadly Shadows, but everything else (except for dude on horse; I have no idea what the balls that’s from) is from Oblivion. Bask in the sweet sweet destruction of your feelings of significance!
By Eric on Dec 18, 2007
The Thief’s name is Garret. Take that!
By Fleeb on Dec 22, 2007
Heh, I have that Thief game, too (on PC)… fun game, but difficult. I thought he looked familiar, but I wasn’t as sure as you.
I was, however, very certain of the Oblivion clips.
By CombatWombat on Dec 27, 2007
Well, now that this little… “scuffle”… is over, I think we’ve all learned something very important.
The three of us are giant nerds :(
Commencing uninstall of life.