“Eat the entire box of mallomars, you fat-cunted shit! These cameras are fucking rolling! You fat fucking cunt! Do you have any idea how much filmstock costs? Do you know what this is costing me? You’re nothing! You’re a fucking shit-stain to me! Eat those mallomars!”

“I don’t care whose kid it is! I asked for a child actor, not a fat tub of pork dripping! Go fetch me a new kid, and have this one SHOT! Without the mallomar-eating scene, this picture’s a fucking nothing, like all of these fucking key grip zeros! I KNOW they can hear me! Do you think I care? You there! I’m Steven fucking Spielberg and you’re nothing! FIRED! See, that’s how much I care! You’re fired too!”

“Faster! Eat those fucking mallomars, retard! Eat them faster or you’re fired!”

“Are you telling me how to direct? Is that what you’re doing? Never question me in front of the crew, Richard! Never in front of the crew! I’ll scream at this fat shit-dripping if I want to, because I’m a somebody and she’s a fucking nobody! I don’t care if the parents are here! You know what? No, shut up, you know what? You’re fired. That’s what. Get this faggot out of here! Security!”

“Excuse me. Yes, excuse me. Hi, are you the parents of this fat fucking retard? Are you? Oh, you are? Well, I have a question for you, parents of the fat fucking retard. Did you actually CONCEIVE this lardy fat-cunted bowl of shit, or did you just pile layer after layer of fat into a heap and put hair on it?”

“Where are you going? Where are they going? It was an honest question! They can’t go! They’re walking out of their contract! You — get back here! I’ll see you in court, you ungrateful assholes! I’m Steven Spielberg!”

“If I can’t find a fat fucking idiot fucking retard kid to eat a simple box of mallomars in ten seconds — in TEN FUCKING SECONDS — I’m going to close my eyes, spin around in a circle with my finger pointing out, and who ever I’m pointing at when I stop, that person will be killed! I can make that happen!”

“Oh, and we find a kid now! Lo and behold! I was about to spin, you saw me spinning! Did you hear that, everybody? Everybody? Kenny, get me my fucking megaphone or you’re a fucking ghost in this town. Now! How do I turn it on? No, don’t — don’t touch me! Just point to how I turn it on! Christ, you must be half black or something. Alright, get out of my sight.”

SKKKRK “CAN EVERYBODY HEAR ME ALRIGHT? EVERYBODY? GOOD. OKAY, I WAS JUST TALKING TO KENNY HERE, AND I THOUGHT EVERYBODY SHOULD HEAR THIS. WE JUST GOT A CHILD ACTOR UP HERE IN UNDER TEN SECONDS, AND THAT’S GOOD, BECAUSE OTHERWISE I WOULD HAVE FIRED YOU ALL, AND YOU WOULD HAVE HAD TO COME BACK ON YOUR KNEES JUST TO GET A JOB EATING MY SHIT OUT OF A DOG DISH.” SKKKRKK “Alright, I’m done, take the megaphone. Take the FUCKING megaphone!”

“Eat those fucking mallomars, you fat shit! Eat them! does anybody have a gun I can point at this kid? No? Fuck me. Eat! EEEEEEAT!”

“Alright, it’s beautfiul. No, we don’t need a fucking second take. I’m Steven spielberg, alright? And you are? And you are? Repeat after me: I. Repeat it! Yes. Am. A. Fucking. Retard. Louder, louder, I can’t hear you repeating. Retard, yes. Nobody. NOBODY. That’s right.”

“And cut. Okay, put a fucking dinosaur in it. It’s a drama? Okay, so DON’T put a dinosaur in it. Put my ass in it. These movies are shit, movie-goers are big steaming piles of my shit. Yes, I know the woman from Entertainment Weekly is here. Well, then why don’t you rip the fucking tape recorder out of her hands then, you useless pile of festering fucking ratshit garbage? Thank you — GOD.”

“We’re done, it’s a day. Tell Kenny to shoot the rest of the movie. I’ve going go get a blowjob. You there! Make a note to give a part in this piece of shit movie to whoever I get to give me oral pleasure. I don’t care, whatever part. The lead.”