Ol’ Dirty Bastard (1968-2004)

November 15th, 2004 Posted in Obituaries

Rapper Dead at 35; Surprisingly Clean; From Legitimate Parents

Rap artist Ol’ Dirty Bastard (aka ODB, aka Dirt McGirt, aka Rapass Hookerpunch, aka Choc-o-Jesus) died in a recording studio this past weekend from complications brought on by wrecking, after failing to properly check, hisself. Bitch was 35. (In rap years, ODB was a robust 94.)

ODB is the latest in a series of tragic studio-related rapper deaths, including 2pac Shakur’s when his rhymes became too punishingly intense for his heart to withstand; and Notorious B.I.G.’s, who choked on a between-tracks sandwich after rap enemies hid a phone book under the lettuce.

Born to father Big Filthy Bastard and mother Fat Dumbshit Whore, Ol’ Dirty proved himself to be a musical progidy early. His mother fondly remembers how he refused to play an instrument, dealt heroin from his bedroom, got knifed five times in the stomach and was eventually acquited in the strangling death of a rival drug dealer at his school. “Even then, anyone could tell ODB had the gift for hip hop,” she says.

As a member of 90’s rap group Wu-Tang Clan, Bastard revolutionized the musical landscape through his many arrests in gang shooting involvement, security officer woundings, illegal possession of body armor, driving with a suspended license, shoplifting and violent threats to a former girlfriend. Said Amadeus Mozart of Bastard’s contributions to the musical canon: “Truly n***a was ahead of his time.”

Many artists struggle with broadening their musical development while juggling the expectations of their fanbase. ODB chose to follow the route Pablo Picasso and Henry David Thoreau trod by becoming a recluse for his art, having himself sentenced in 2001 to four years in prison for drug possession and violence on his girlfriend.

According to bandmates Method Man, RZA and Ghostface Killah, their bandmate is remembered both as “[unintelligible]” and “[expletive deleted].” Though many artists would not be able to live up to such praise, Bastard’s musical canon proves he was all of these expletives and more.

Bastard is perhaps best known for his slurred, barely intelligible rap cameo on the Mariah Carey video “Fantasy”. For a man whose most memorable moment was as a guest star in the video of a forty-year-old former dance choreographer for a song written by a corporate entity, it is difficult to appreciate the depth of the loss to the musical community. Perhaps it will become clearer over time, when in subsequent videos Mariah Carey shakes her skin grenades from a helicopter without the benefit of ODB being used as a rapping chair. Only then, maybe, will we appreciate the magnitude of this tortured poet’s passing.

Bastard is also known for the instructional video “Never Touch Restaurant Food After You Touch Your Penis,” which he recorded as part of a public service after his arrest in 1999 for touching restaurant food after touching his penis.

In lieu of flowers, Bastard’s estate wishes that malt liquor be poured onto the ground, so that it can join with the Earth’s nutrients and be used to create future superstar hip-hop artists.