by Jay Pinkerton

"Good news! I think I found the rest of your baby!"

 

"Usually we can get rid of them—but they laid the eggs under your eyelids,
so we're sort of out of tricks."

 

"Whoa, looks like the elevator's stuck. Guess we'll just have to
wait it out, huh? Hi, I'm Jamie Kennedy."

 

"And the best part is, he's your brother! So I won't even have to
change the last name on my checks!"

 

"The doctor said it was the most placenta he'd ever seen!
Oh, look how dilated you are, honey!"

 

"In our family, son, there's only one way to properly ask for a
daughter's hand in marriage. Three-way."

 

"Dude! That was an AWESOME backflip!"

 

"Whoa, looks like the elevator's stuck. Guess we'll just have
to wait it out, huh? Hi, I'm Jamie Kennedy.
Meet my friend, a cloud of shrieking vampire bats."

 

"Um. Hi. Look, this is very important.
You didn't eat the chicken, did you?"

 

"In my apartment, buddy, there's only one way to
properly ask me to tape the game for you. Three-way."

 

"The bad news is you've got inoperable cancer.
But here's the good news: we're starting a sketch troupe!"

 

"Says here this quicksand is home to urine piranhas.
They burrow into the... ah. The urethra. Well. This isn't good."

 

"Congratulations, you've got the job. Go report to wardrobe
and we'll get you set up with a semen bib."

 

"Whoa, looks like we're in Hell. Guess we'll just have to wait it out, huh?
Hi, I'm Jamie Kennedy. Meet my friend, Fran Drescher Karaoke-Bot 5000."