SCIENTIFIC ADVANCEMENT NEVER FELT SO GOOD ON YOUR BUTTOCKS
ITEM #2078WC

PRICE: $309,099.
If You Order Before Dec 1st: $399,099.
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As we all know, conventional porcelain toilets have a long and tragic history of destroying the environment and posing a dangerous choking hazard to children. While our competition may be callously, even; brutishly unfazed by this, we at Flush-Rite have taken it to heart.

Introducing Enviro-Safe®, the only waste management tool made entirely out of kiln-hardened hemp. And don't worry about choking hazards, parents — Enviro-Safe® is 100% choke-friendly.

According to Flush-Rite-conducted research, Enviro-Safe® saves up to three rain forests with every flush.

Do you like dolphins? Before starting production on even one Enviro-Safe®, Flush-Rite befriended over 14,000 dolphins.

I SUPPORT THE SAVING OF DOLPHINS
I SIMPLY WISH TO PURCHASE THIS PRODUCT;
PLEASE DO NOT SAVE ANY DOLPHINS ON MY ACCOUNT

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Enviro-Safe® saves up to half a gallon (2 liters) of water with every flush, and violently kills up to 67% fewer bears than previous models. With Enviro-Safe®, you get the assurance that two-thirds of all wildlife in the general vicinity are left undrowned by your flushes.

DID YOU KNOW? You can double the environmental friendliness of your Enviro-Safe® through the use of toilet paper alternatives like old supermarket bags or damp aloe-soaked cloths!
safety notice

Enviro-Safe's® flush feature has been augmented with a pan-dimensional portal to other realms, ensuring your excrement falls from the skies of alternate universes, leaving ours pollution-free.

Please do not linger on the toilet following its use, or you will risk alternate-universe inhabitants recognizing the features of your anus, allowing them to seek revenge later.

Due to the inherent instability of Einstein-Rosen Bridges — or "wormholes" — all Enviro-Safe® Toilets are built with multi-dimensional elements found in alternate universes. This means that not one of your flushed stools will bend spacetime in such a way as to turn your ancestors into your own stools, as with previous Enviro-Safe® versions.

If gunfire emits from the pan-dimensional portal of your Enviro-Safe® flush valve, please do not sit down on seat until gunfire has come to a complete stop. Do your business as quickly as possible —you will most likely have between five to ten seconds, the average time it takes to reload a semi-automatic weapon.