My Deductive Genius Put to Work
I had crippling indigestion all day today and couldn’t figure out why. It wasn’t until just now, when I went to cook something in the oven, that I noticed the spray can nestled on top of it. Apparently while cooking wings last night in dim lighting, I somehow mistook air freshener for PAM cooking spray and coated my food in it.
Another mystery solved, thanks to Jay Pinkerton: Bowel-Cramped Ace Detective!
I just thank God I didn’t die from it. Assuming there was any kind of investigation into the cause, I can’t imagine a more retardedly embarrassing way to go.
“Mrs. Pinkerton? This is the Toronto Police. Please. Sit down.”
“Is this about Jay? Is he alright?”
“Well, in a spiritual sense, hopefully.”
“Oh god. Did… did he put shoe polish on his food again?”
“Half a can of Glade Essence of Nature, ma’am.”
“Well… at least he went as he would have wanted.”
“With his pants off and a mouth full of half-eated wings?”
“Yes. He talked about it often.”