Lenin
March 30th, 1998 Posted in Quick Bits
“Oh, yeah. Russia was great, it was an amazing trip. Here, look what I brought back with me. What? Yeah, it’s Lenin’s corpse. No, it’s the real thing. Hmm? No, mummified or something. Yeah, I don’t know how they preserve it. But check this out. I can put my finger through his skull like it’s goddamn rice paper. See? See? Man, that’s gross. What? Fine, I’ll stop.”
“Well of course I’m bringing it along for the date. I didn’t bring it all the way out here just to cart it back up the stairs. No, it’s not staring at you. It’s dead. It’s a dead corpse, Sharon. Fuck, you’re stupid. Staring at you. Jesus. OOOOOOO, SHARON, I’M COMING TO EEEAT YOUR SOOOULLLLL! Sharon, stop screaming, it was just a joke. Oh it barely touched your face. You’re exaggerating. Fuck! No, it’s just that you’re so stupid.”
“How was I supposed to know the cabbie’d charge us extra for Lenin? Well of course I wasn’t gonna pay it! Because I’m not a sucker, that’s why! Well, that’s too bad. Oh, you make plenty of money, get over yourself. Here, hold Lenin while I check my wallet. No — no, just hold him. He’s NOT SLIMY, Sharon. He’s just dead and rotting a little. Well, it’s been a hot day! Here, just hold him!” [pause] “I did not throw him at you! I SAID ‘hold him!’”
“Table for three please.”
“Yeah, well he’s more animated than you are in bed. I know we haven’t. I was GUESSING, Sharon. It’s called USING YOUR IMAGINATION. Jesus. Look, just eat your salad, and stop taking everything out on Lenin.”
“So, how about a three way? Ha ha — oh, fuck. Where are you going? Come Back! I was kidding! I was — shit.”
“Engh. Ungh. Ungh. Unh. Engh. UNGH. UUUNNNNGH. ENGGGHH-UNGH-UNGH-UNGH! ENH! UNGHHHH! UNGGGGGHHH! ENH! ENH! Ahhhh……. Lenin, that was fabulous.”
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