It’s Not a Booger!

May 11th, 1996 Posted in Cubicle Blues

Scene: a meeting room with several men and women chatting. Jay enters.

Jay: “Hi, everyone. Sorry I’m late.”

Bill: “No problem, Jay.”

Jay: [handing out photocopies] “Okay, I’ll be quick. As I mentioned last month, the Proposal Centre’s been working on a new proposal tracking initiative. As you can see from—”

Everyone stares are Jay with mixture of horror and amusement.

Jay: “…um…as you can see from—”

Bill tries to attract Jay’s attention, and rubs under his nose dramatically. Sharon’s face reddens and she stares at her hands. Someone giggles.

Jay: “…as you…can… yes, okay, look. I’d better address this.” [points to lower lip] “I cut myself shaving today, on the lower part of my nostril. It stings like hell. This is a scab. It’s a black scab.”

A beat.

Bill: “It’s… you know, just that it—”

Jay: “Looks like a booger’s hanging out of my nose, yes, I know. It’s not a booger. It’s a scab. It will most likely be there for several days.”

Bill: “It’s just that it looks like…”

Jay: “Yes, thank you. But it’s not.”

A beat.

Jay: “Okay. So, our tracking initiative will be put in place and why is everyone still staring at me?”

Sharon: “It just REALLY looks like—”

Jay: “It’s not! Okay, look, let’s do this some other time.”

Jay leaves, and bumps into Dennis in the hallway.

Dennis: “Hey, Jay.”

Jay: “Hi, Dennis.”

Dennis: “Oo. Hey, uh… Jay.” [rubs under nose]

Jay: “Yes, thank you.”

Dennis: “Got a little hanger there.”

Jay: “Thank you.”

Jay stalks down hall to cubicle.

Debbie: “Hi, Jay. How was your weekend?”

Jay: “Hi, Debbie. Not bad. Yours?”

Debbie: “Oh, not—” [looks at Jay’s face] “Not…” [stares down at feet in embarrassment]

Jay: “It’s not a — oh, nevermind. I’m just going to go home for three days until this heals.”