Israel DUI Arrest, Anti-Gibsonic Statements Uttered

July 31st, 2006 Posted in News and Reviews

The State of Israel was arrested Friday on suspicion of drunk driving and disorderly conduct. According to a report by the arresting officer, Israel — a country in Western Asia on the southeastern edge of the Mediterranean Sea — was belligerent, swearing uncontrollably and hurling epithets at Hollywood star Mel Gibson.

Israel repeatedly said, “My life is fucked,” perhaps referring to a public feud with Lebanon that has dominated the tabloid press. Law enforcement sources say the deputy, worried that Israel might become violent, told the country that he was supposed to cuff it but would not, as long as Israel cooperated.

The report says Israel then launched into a barrage of anti-Gibsonic statements: “Fuck Passion of the Christ. Mel Gibson’s responsible for all the anti-semitism in the world.” Israel then asked the deputy, “Have you seen that piece of shit Bird on a Wire? What an enormous piece of fucking shit.”