“Islam? Violent? We’ll kill you for saying that!”

September 20th, 2006 Posted in 2006

So the Pope apologizes for a speech that portrayed Islam as a religion tainted by violence. In retaliation, radical Muslim groups threaten suicide attacks on the Vatican; demonstrators burn the Pope in effigy; and al-Qaeda issues a press release vowing to break the cross and wage war until all convert to Islam or are killed by the sword. Because what better way to let the world know that the Pope was way off-base with all that “Islam is a violent religion” hooha, am I right?

“Says here the Pope is criticizing Islam as a religion dominated by violence.”

“He is? Okay, damage control, everyone. Hashim, strap a bomb to your chest and run into the Vatican. Abbad, get on the horn with Reuters and threaten to kill every Catholic on the planet unless they convert. Imad, go make an effigy of the Pope and light it on fire. A good one this time, Imad. Pay attention to the facial structure.”

“Good spin, Kamil.”

“Thanks. I just hope we did it in time!”