Free Crap (With Every Order of Crap)

April 22nd, 2004 Posted in 2004

I got a Pizza Hut flyer today with a deal for one of three free DVDs with my next order. Customers ordering this deal will roll the dice when they order, getting either Weekend at Bernie’s, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles or Lost in Space.

Given the ridiculously high caliber of cinema being given away with pizza here, I’ll pause for a second and let you come up with your own punchlines. Feel free to form discussion groups. Choose your best and then come on back.

…

Great. I hope you had some fun with it. Anyway: I’d be genuinely interested to know if Pizza Hut just bought the rights to these films outright, or if they stumbled on an abandoned warehouse full of them or what. If anyone works for Pizza Hut or knows someone who does, I’d love to hear a dollar amount for what they paid to give away free copies of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, if only because I suspect it’s equitable to what I might pay to rent it.

As far as I’m concerned, it’s still a pretty sweet deal without the DVD. I plan to insist that they just hold onto it and send me the food. After all, I’m trying to eat here. It’d be like buying a nice steak dinner and finding a Police Academy: Citizens on Patrol DVD under the fucking potato. I don’t care how free it is; please have the decency to keep Lost in Space away from my food. I’ll be up all night on the toilet after Matt LeBlanc’s stilted, uncomfortable performance as Major Don West disagrees with me.