Entrepreneur
March 30th, 1998 Posted in ArticlesJay: [hanging around outside community college classroom] “Hey, kids. Psst. Kids. If you give me twenty bucks I’ll buy you beer.”
Student #1: “We’re old enough to buy beer.”
Jay: “Oh.” [pause while I reconsider my strategy] “Ten dollars for a handjob, then.”
Student #1: “Dude, that’s sick.”
Student #2: “Are the handjobs any good?”
Jay: “Let me check.” [examines hand] “Yeah. They’re real good.”
Student #2: “I don’t think I have ten dollars.”
Jay: “That’s a coincidence, because you also don’t have a handjob then.” [purposely putting hands in pockets] “So what do you guys do in those rooms, anyway? You suck each other off or something?”
Student #1: “We learn. This is a college.”
Jay: “Learning, eh? Yeah, I know that stuff. That’s like when you sit at a desk and someone turns around to write on a blackboard and you steal their wallet, right?”
Student #1: “No, it’s where they write something on the blackboard and we read it and we learn.”
A pause.
Jay: “So really, though—you guys suck each other off or something?”
Student #1: “You’re hopeless.” [leaves]
Student #2: “I need to hit a bank machine, I’ll be right back.”
Jay: “I’ll be here. Crisp tens, by the way.” [looking into classroom] “Hmmmm. College. Learning. Maybe college is the answer. Mastering a trade. Learning a skill set. Handjobs. Hmmm.”
 Eager to break into the lucrative $10 handjob industry, but don’t know where to start? Apprentice handjob artisans are needed in today’s boom market— will you heed the call, and make as much as TEN DOLLARS A HANDJOB? With my five-month course, I guarantee you’ll learn valuable skills and gain hands-on experience that will get you high-paying positions in the manual erotic manipulation sector. Students will live in attractive and spacious dorm rooms (my living room; fold-out couch) with classes at 7:00 AM (when I wake up), 12:00 noon (I’ll come home for lunch) and 5:00 PM (when I get off work). Night classes are also available; all training materials (my stuff) are provided.
* Retirement plan assumes you hide five dollars from each handjob payment under your mattress.
YOU could be the next success story! Sign up today! NAME: ____________________ SEX: [ ] F [ ] M (attractive females with prior experience in the handjob industry preferred) ATTRACTIVE: [ ] Y [ ] N (if you selected N, do not bother applying) [ ] Yes! Sign me up for a five-month course at Pinkerton’s School of Handjobs! I will learn the skills I will need to bring Jay to climax! Pinkerton’s School of Handjobs not recognized as an accredited educational facility. Pinkerton’s School of Handjobs is currently being investigated by the Human Rights Commission, the Federal Bureau of Investigation, The Bureah of Alcohol, Tobacco & Firearms and PETA. For tax purporses, please tell anyone who asks that Pinkerton’s School of Handjobs is a resort spa. Pinkerton’s School of Handjobs is not liable for your education while enrolled in our program. Pinkerton’s School of Handjobs is technically classified as a “cult” by several/all states. |
“Thanks to Pinkerton’s School of Handjobs, I have a high-paying, career in the going-places handjob industry. At ten dollars a handjob, I’ll be able to retire by the time I’m really old*!”
“”Before Pinkerton’s School, I was a contractor for a large construction firm, going nowhere with a $95,000 a year job! Now I clear over FORTY DOLLARS A DAY in handjobs! THANKS, PINKERTON!”
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