Degenerate’s Dictionary

March 30th, 1998 Posted in Quick Bits

The “Frozen Snickers”

Fuck a girl doggie style, her on all fours on a bed and you standing beside the bed. Just before climax, reach around in one quick motion to the mini-fridge by the bed. Eat all her frozen Snickers bars
while she’s not looking.

“Friday Night Special”

Fuck a girl in a straight missionary position while spectacularly shitfaced. Roughly manhandle her breasts in a drunken fashion. Be listless and uninventive while fucking, then fail to climax due to flaccidity of penis and intense inebriation. Wait for room to stop spinning. Fumble excuses about having to get up early the next morning, and leave.

The “Needlessly Complex Sexual Scenario”

Drink broken glass shards one week before planned intercourse. The night of planned intercourse, nail two ski boots to the ceiling, climb into ski boots, and hang suspended over bed. Open backpack full of feces and let feces fall out of backpack onto bed. Attach velcro cowboy hat, place five condoms on erect penis, and wait for woman to enter room. When she doesn’t, suddenly remember you forgot to call a woman who would agree to having bizarre sex. Hang awkwardly from ceiling, fearful of falling onto bed full of poops. Fall asleep.

The “Bloody Sheepdip”

Dip sheep into vat of blood. Once finished, have sex with girl.