Conversations Spammers Must Think We Have

June 2nd, 2006 Posted in Scripts and Dialogues

PAUL: Checking your email, Gary?

GARY: You bet, Paul. Uh oh.

PAUL: What’s wrong?

GARY: This subject header says “URGENT: Order #344522 confrimed x22xpl.”

PAUL: So what’s the problem?

GARY: I haven’t ordered anything recently. There must have been some mistake!

PAUL: You never ordered an x22xpl? Quick, open the email!

Gary does.

GARY: Oh, I see. The person who sent me the email just wants to tell me about an amazing new course where I can earn a university degree in only three weeks.

PAUL: Say, slow down. So it’s an advertisement? But why’d he say “order confirmed” then?

GARY: Wait, I get it. He deceived me.

PAUL: Hey, he must be on the level if he’s willing to lie right to your face like that.

GARY: That’s true. If his product was in any way fraudulent, he’d be too scared too blatantly misrepresent himself. He’d get in trouble.

PAUL: And who couldn’t use a degree?

GARY: Hey, I could! I have an IQ of seventy-five!

PAUL: Seventy-three over here!

GARY: Yes guy!

They high five.

DENISE: What have you got there, Janet?

JANET: Hi, Denise. Just the new Amazing X-Cam 1000.

She holds up a cheap-looking trinket.

DENISE: Oh, wow! I’ve heard about those! How on Earth did you get one?

JANET: I was on the Internet yesterday, and the ad just… popped up in front of me!

DENISE: That is so convenient.

JANET: I know. Unfortunately, when I clicked on it, it downsized, and I accidentally closed the page I was looking at.

DENISE: Uh oh. Did you lose the ad too?

JANET: No, I got lucky. The ad popped up on my screen five more times. Every time I closed one, two more took its place!

DENISE: That is awesome.

JANET: Yeah. So many came up, they actually crashed my computer.

DENISE: Oh no! So you never got a chance to find out more?

JANET: Hey, don’t get ahead of me! Luckily, the corporation installed more ads directly into my computer without asking. As soon as I rebooted, there were the ads again!

DENISE: You’re so lucky! I’ll bet you surfed right over!

JANET: They thought of that too! When I opened my browser, they’d changed my homepage to the product’s URL!

DENISE: Shoot! They thought of everything!

JANET: They really did. It was so helpful and not infuriating.

DENISE: Say, race you into traffic!

JANET: You’re on, Denise!

They race into traffic.