Communism Farm

September 7th, 2003 Posted in Quick Bits

Once upon a time there were five ducks who lived on a farm. Their names were Marx, Lenin, Trotsky, Stalin, Chiang and Mao. Wait, six ducks. Do you see what I’m doing here? This book is awesome.

One day Marx the duck went up to all the other ducks and said: “I’ve got this great new idea! What if we instituted a collectivized system of government and ownership in which all goods and services are equally shared by the proletariat?”

“That is the stupidest fucking thing I’ve ever heard,” said Lenin, and all the other ducks ganged up on Marx and started wailing on him for, like, an hour or something. Chiang and Mao started doing these backflip moves where one guy’d like launch himself off the other into a flying kick right into Marx’s chest, and that poor dope Marx can’t even put up his hands to defend himself or shit, cause it turns out Trotsky got tortured by the KGB or some shit and as soon as he sees blood he just like goes fucking mental, and he’s just screaming and screaming and the nunchuks are this blur all over Marx’s back and his fucking face.

Oh, man. Hold on, I should draw some of this shit out.

Okay, I couldn’t find a pencil. Anyway, then this giant robot showed up, and it was powered by fucking Communism. That’s a metaphor.

The giant robot’s chest plate opened up suddenly, and it started firing missiles out of its chest at the farm. It was awesome. It was also a metaphor.

Later, when people were like “What the fuck was that?” and went to check it out, they peeked in the window, and what they saw frightened them and even killed this one guy.

It turned out the pigs had been PEOPLE ALL ALONG. One of the guys was all like, “That was a GREAT FUCKING metaphor,” and the thing is he was right.