Articles and Essays

Longer Works and HTML Miscellany

Thursday, December 27th, 2007 Posted in 2004, 2003, Articles | 5 Comments »

My Lampoon Years

Thursday, December 27th, 2007 Posted in Articles | 1 Comment »

Going Down

Wednesday, September 26th, 2007 Posted in Essays | 7 Comments »

The N-Word

Monday, September 24th, 2007 Posted in Essays | 10 Comments »

Marvel Comics vs. Science!

Tuesday, July 31st, 2007 Posted in Off-site Articles | Comments Off

In Which I Exhaustively Discuss Batman

Tuesday, June 19th, 2007 Posted in Off-site Articles | Comments Off

Diving Into Traffic To Avoid Puppies, And Other Tips For Children

Wednesday, May 16th, 2007 Posted in 2007, Essays | Comments Off

Action Hero Showdown

Friday, April 13th, 2007 Posted in Off-site Articles | Comments Off

“…And You Can Take That to the LAKE.”

Tuesday, March 6th, 2007 Posted in Off-site Articles | Comments Off

Dogs Are Idiots

Wednesday, January 17th, 2007 Posted in Essays | Comments Off

Shameless Hype #3

Friday, December 15th, 2006 Posted in Off-site Articles | Comments Off

Shameless Hype #2

Friday, December 15th, 2006 Posted in Off-site Articles | Comments Off

Why I Am Not Allowed To Shop By Myself

Sunday, October 29th, 2006 Posted in 2006, Essays | Comments Off

Farmers Are Lunatics

Friday, October 13th, 2006 Posted in 2006, Essays | Comments Off

So You’ve Been Pushed Naked Out of a Plane

Thursday, September 28th, 2006 Posted in Off-site Articles | Comments Off

Why I Probably Shouldn’t Do Stand-Up

Saturday, September 9th, 2006 Posted in Quick Bits | Comments Off

The History of Pirate Bathroom Comics

Thursday, September 7th, 2006 Posted in Essays | Comments Off

The 8 Best “Guilty Pleasure” Comedies of All Time

Friday, June 9th, 2006 Posted in Off-site Articles | Comments Off

Happy Tax Day!

Thursday, April 13th, 2006 Posted in Off-site Articles | Comments Off

2006 Oscar Rundown

Wednesday, March 1st, 2006 Posted in Off-site Articles | Comments Off

Spring Movie Preview

Wednesday, February 15th, 2006 Posted in Off-site Articles | Comments Off

Three Things I Like With George Clooney

Monday, February 6th, 2006 Posted in Off-site Articles | Comments Off

So You’re Being Attacked by C.H.U.D.

Saturday, January 28th, 2006 Posted in Off-site Articles | Comments Off

Excerpts From Frey’s Memoirs

Friday, January 27th, 2006 Posted in Off-site Articles | Comments Off

Thanksgiving: The Movie

Tuesday, November 1st, 2005 Posted in Quick Bits | Comments Off

So You’ve Regained Consciousness…

Sunday, October 30th, 2005 Posted in Essays | Comments Off

Dear Parents…

Thursday, September 15th, 2005 Posted in Essays | Comments Off

Back of the Bible: The Book of Obadiah

Monday, September 5th, 2005 Posted in Essays | Comments Off

Bats Enjoy Diving at my Face

Wednesday, June 22nd, 2005 Posted in Essays | Comments Off

Batman Begins Primer

Monday, June 13th, 2005 Posted in Writing About Comics, Essays | Comments Off

Back of the Bible: The Book of Jonah

Thursday, May 26th, 2005 Posted in Essays | Comments Off

Stormtrooper Office Policy Manual

Tuesday, April 26th, 2005 Posted in Articles | Comments Off

Teenagers Are Retarded: An Investigative Report

Monday, April 11th, 2005 Posted in Articles | Comments Off

Elephant Jokes For All Ages!

Wednesday, April 6th, 2005 Posted in Quick Bits | Comments Off

Sin City: An Investigative Report

Tuesday, April 5th, 2005 Posted in Articles | Comments Off

New Raffi Albums!

Monday, April 4th, 2005 Posted in Quick Bits | Comments Off

The Cover Critic: Avengers #33

Thursday, January 27th, 2005 Posted in Essays | No Comments »

Fantastic Four and the Justice League

Wednesday, January 26th, 2005 Posted in Writing About Comics | No Comments »

Jay’s Self-Deception Resolution Plan!

Tuesday, January 4th, 2005 Posted in Essays | No Comments »

Maybe we were too hard on Canadian Tire Guy

Sunday, January 2nd, 2005 Posted in Essays | No Comments »

The Most Embarrassing Incident of My Life

Tuesday, December 7th, 2004 Posted in Essays | No Comments »

She’s an Alcoholic

Wednesday, December 1st, 2004 Posted in Essays | 1 Comment »

UPS: The Revenge! (cymbal crash)

Wednesday, November 24th, 2004 Posted in Essays | No Comments »

The Humiliation Potential of Shaking a Black Man’s Hand

Thursday, November 18th, 2004 Posted in Essays | No Comments »

How To Not Kill Yourself While Brewing Coffee

Wednesday, November 17th, 2004 Posted in Articles | No Comments »

UPS is the worst shipping service in North America

Tuesday, October 26th, 2004 Posted in Essays | No Comments »

UPS: Unconditional Parcel Screw-ups

Monday, October 25th, 2004 Posted in Essays | No Comments »

An Entire Post Explicitly Devoted To Wiping My Ass

Thursday, August 12th, 2004 Posted in Essays | No Comments »

The Wrong Assholes

Wednesday, July 21st, 2004 Posted in Essays | No Comments »

How To Break Your Arms and Legs

Thursday, July 8th, 2004 Posted in Essays | No Comments »

Can’t We All Just Agree to Not Get Along?

Tuesday, June 22nd, 2004 Posted in Essays | No Comments »

Nourishing Your Inner Cynic with the Idiocy of Strangers

Saturday, June 5th, 2004 Posted in Essays | 1 Comment »

The Importance of Never Having Goals

Thursday, June 3rd, 2004 Posted in Essays | No Comments »

I Built This City

Saturday, May 8th, 2004 Posted in Essays | No Comments »

The Biological Imperative

Tuesday, March 30th, 2004 Posted in Essays | No Comments »

Descartes Blanche

Monday, March 15th, 2004 Posted in Essays | No Comments »

Star Wars Episode III: Proposed Titles

Thursday, February 19th, 2004 Posted in Quick Bits | No Comments »

Lost in Translation

Wednesday, February 4th, 2004 Posted in Quick Bits | No Comments »

Jay Pinkerton’s Metal Maelstrom

Friday, December 5th, 2003 Posted in Quick Bits | No Comments »

For The Ladies…

Monday, November 24th, 2003 Posted in Quick Bits | No Comments »

How To Nail Brazilian Women

Sunday, November 23rd, 2003 Posted in Quick Bits | No Comments »

Aesop Confucius Pinkerton shares wisdom

Thursday, November 13th, 2003 Posted in Quick Bits | No Comments »

Free Costume Ideas For Halloween!

Monday, October 6th, 2003 Posted in Quick Bits | No Comments »

Home Alone… With Lust

Thursday, September 18th, 2003 Posted in Quick Bits | No Comments »

Communism Farm

Sunday, September 7th, 2003 Posted in Quick Bits | No Comments »

Write Your Own Linkin Park Single!

Friday, September 5th, 2003 Posted in Quick Bits | No Comments »

The Architect’s Speech Translated

Monday, July 7th, 2003 Posted in Articles | No Comments »

The Lollipop: A Play in Two Scenes

Monday, October 15th, 2001 Posted in Cubicle Blues | Comments Off

This Idea I Had For a Commercial…

Wednesday, April 1st, 1998 Posted in Quick Bits | Comments Off

Surefire Headache Remedies

Wednesday, April 1st, 1998 Posted in Quick Bits | Comments Off

Super Sequels

Wednesday, April 1st, 1998 Posted in Writing About Comics | Comments Off

Excerpt From My New Poetry Book

Tuesday, March 31st, 1998 Posted in Quick Bits | Comments Off

Waiting on a Change

Monday, March 30th, 1998 Posted in Essays | Comments Off

Visit Scenic Jaytonia!

Monday, March 30th, 1998 Posted in Articles | Comments Off

Truly Outrageous

Monday, March 30th, 1998 Posted in Essays | Comments Off

They Just Don’t Make ‘Em Like The Incredible Hulk Anymore

Monday, March 30th, 1998 Posted in Essays | Comments Off

Stem Cell Research Primer

Monday, March 30th, 1998 Posted in Essays | Comments Off

Sending Your Kids to College: Should You?

Monday, March 30th, 1998 Posted in Essays | Comments Off

An Open Letter to the Makers of Beastmaster

Monday, March 30th, 1998 Posted in Essays | Comments Off

I Would Like To Buy a Duck

Monday, March 30th, 1998 Posted in Essays | Comments Off

Conserving Energy in the Home

Monday, March 30th, 1998 Posted in Articles | Comments Off

Dental Care Advisory

Monday, March 30th, 1998 Posted in Articles | Comments Off

I Rock

Monday, March 30th, 1998 Posted in Essays | Comments Off

Investing in the Stock Market

Monday, March 30th, 1998 Posted in Articles | Comments Off

Writing Great Suspense

Monday, March 30th, 1998 Posted in Articles | Comments Off

Fuck Now (While There’s Still Time)

Monday, March 30th, 1998 Posted in Essays | Comments Off

Five Reasons Hilary Duff Probably Digs Me

Monday, March 30th, 1998 Posted in Articles | Comments Off

Cleaning on Rotation

Monday, March 30th, 1998 Posted in Essays | Comments Off

A Sensible Proposal

Monday, March 30th, 1998 Posted in Articles | Comments Off

Tips on Journalism

Monday, March 30th, 1998 Posted in Quick Bits | Comments Off

Tips on Grooming

Monday, March 30th, 1998 Posted in Quick Bits | Comments Off

Tips on Gardening

Monday, March 30th, 1998 Posted in Quick Bits | Comments Off

Tips on Crime Prevention

Monday, March 30th, 1998 Posted in Quick Bits | Comments Off

Tips on Babysitting

Monday, March 30th, 1998 Posted in Quick Bits | Comments Off

Thoughts in my Head

Monday, March 30th, 1998 Posted in Quick Bits | Comments Off

Things You Shouldn’t Say If You Live With a Powerful Wizard

Monday, March 30th, 1998 Posted in Quick Bits | Comments Off

On Set With Steven Spielberg

Monday, March 30th, 1998 Posted in Articles | Comments Off

Life: The Motion Picture

Monday, March 30th, 1998 Posted in Articles | Comments Off

Lenin

Monday, March 30th, 1998 Posted in Quick Bits | Comments Off

First Quarter Initiatives

Monday, March 30th, 1998 Posted in Articles | Comments Off

Entrepreneur

Monday, March 30th, 1998 Posted in Articles | Comments Off

Ecowatch With David Susuki

Monday, March 30th, 1998 Posted in Articles | Comments Off

Degenerate’s Dictionary

Monday, March 30th, 1998 Posted in Quick Bits | Comments Off

Cooking With Failure

Monday, March 30th, 1998 Posted in Articles | Comments Off

Books I Intend to Write

Monday, March 30th, 1998 Posted in Quick Bits | Comments Off

Avril Lavigne: By The Numbers

Monday, March 30th, 1998 Posted in Articles | Comments Off

Snake-Eyes

Saturday, May 11th, 1996 Posted in Cubicle Blues | Comments Off

Survival of the Skittish

Saturday, May 11th, 1996 Posted in Cubicle Blues | Comments Off

Todd

Saturday, May 11th, 1996 Posted in Cubicle Blues | Comments Off

One of Us

Saturday, May 11th, 1996 Posted in Cubicle Blues | Comments Off

Dumbware®

Saturday, May 11th, 1996 Posted in Cubicle Blues | Comments Off

Hanging by a Thread

Saturday, May 11th, 1996 Posted in Cubicle Blues | Comments Off

It’s Not a Booger!

Saturday, May 11th, 1996 Posted in Cubicle Blues | Comments Off

Helpful Edits

Saturday, May 11th, 1996 Posted in Cubicle Blues | Comments Off

We’re a “Good” Company

Monday, April 29th, 1996 Posted in Cubicle Blues | Comments Off

Not That Kind of Superman

Monday, April 29th, 1996 Posted in Cubicle Blues | Comments Off

Stay in School Forever

Monday, April 29th, 1996 Posted in Cubicle Blues | Comments Off

Killing Time

Wednesday, April 24th, 1996 Posted in Cubicle Blues | Comments Off

Sigh

Wednesday, April 24th, 1996 Posted in Cubicle Blues | Comments Off

Multi-Platform Just-in-Time Point-and-Click e-Commerce Productivity Solution

Wednesday, April 24th, 1996 Posted in Cubicle Blues | Comments Off

Pills to the Gills

Wednesday, April 24th, 1996 Posted in Cubicle Blues | Comments Off

We Need This Yesterday

Friday, March 29th, 1996 Posted in Cubicle Blues | Comments Off

The Phantom Menace

Thursday, February 29th, 1996 Posted in Cubicle Blues | Comments Off