After the Blackout
September 18th, 2003 Posted in 2003Me: [sitting against the wall, talking to power outlet] “I’m glad you came back, baby.”
Power outlet: “…”
Me: “I know I’ve said some things before that I didn’t mean. I got thinking about every one of them last night, when you left me all alone. Like when I’d plug my kettle in and sometimes the lights would flicker, and I’d say you weren’t good for nothing. That was crazy. Or that time you caught me watching Fight Club and nodding at Brad Pitt’s speech about returning to feudal society, then looking over at you like you was nothing. That also was crazy of me to do.”
Power outlet: “…”
Me: “But, baby… living without you for these past…” [checks watch] “…twenty-two hours, I realized that you are my everythang. I cants live without you, baby. I needs you.”
Power outlet: “…”
Me: “Yesterday, when you walked out, I didn’t know what to do. I couldn’t eat. I couldn’t sleep. I couldn’t.. you know, watch TV or check email. It was misery, baby. I so glad you back.”
Power outlet: “…”
A pause.
Me: “…why don’t you give me a little sugar…”
BZZZRRRT!
Me: “Agh fucking jesus fuck! Baby, damn. You know I love that. Come here, you sexy…”
BZZZZRTTTT-ZZRTRTT-ZRRRTT!
“Fucking cock fuck jesus fuck! What if I…”
Power outlet: BRZZZRRRT!
“Mother son of fucking…”
Power outlet: BRRRZZZZZRTRRRTTTT!
“…so dizzy, can’t…one more time, I…”
Power outlet: BRZZZZRRRTTT!
“…maybe if…” [sound of pants zipper]
BRRZZZZRRAPPPP! BZARP BZARP BZARRRRP!
“Ow.” [collapses smoking to floor] “Glad to have you back, electricity.”
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