Obituary: Christopher Reeve (1952-2004)

October 11th, 2004 Posted in Blog Posts, Quickies

‘Real Life’ Superman Kneels Before Sod

Christopher Reeve, star of the popular Superman films, is dead at 52. Reeve was paralyzed in a 1995 horse-riding incident—a case that New York police recently re-opened, citing the involvement of Reeve’s horse, a thoroughbred named Lucky Shoes, in some 19 celebrity riding tragedies since 1990. When asked if Lucky Shoes may have been involved in Reeve’s sudden death this past Sunday, longtime friend Silver Bullet clopped twice (indicating yes).

Reeve was to testify against Lucky Shoes this Thursday in what many have called the Equestrian Trial of the Century. Police would not divulge any details of Reeve’s death, though authorities admitted that they have a suspect in custody, who was caught galloping away from Reeve’s Westchester County mansion “at high speeds” on the day in question.

Reeve, who portrayed a hero in four Superman films, was popularly thought to embody one in life, tirelessly advocating spinal cord research for the past decade. JP.com would of course never be so callous as to call attention to other news outlets’ use of words like “selfless” and “altruistic” in their obituary descriptions of Reeve’s spinal cord advocacy. We would not disrespect the death of such a selfless, altruistic man by noting that his involvement in spinal cord research prior to selflessly and altruistically obliterating his own spinal cord while jumping oak fences on the grounds of his 500-acre estate was, as of press time, approximately zero hours. Nor would we desecrate the memory of a national hero like Reeve by pointing out that even following his accident, his involvement in raising awareness and funding for stem cell research to be used to aid the non-paralyzed was, as of press time, approximately zero hours.

Instead, we would like to put aside petty mudslinging and join the nation in proclaiming Reeve to be, indeed, “a real-life Superman.” Certainly the parallels are many. Much like Superman used his super-powers of “heat” vision and flight to help people without super-powers, Reeve used his powers of celebrity and “guilt” vision to help people find a cure for his problems as soon as possible. Also like Superman, Christopher Reeve did not wear glasses. Lastly, both men whole-heartedly supported using tissue from unborn fetuses to help overcome their handicaps—in Reeve’s case, paraplegia; in Superman’s, research as to whether ground-up foetal tissue dissolves kryptonite.

Reeve’s family has requested that donations be made directly to the Christopher Reeve Paralysis Foundation, which encourages celebrities to perform dangerous horse-riding stunts in an effort to increase our nation’s stockpiles of inspiring champions of spinal cord research.