Buffet of the Damned

January 12th, 2004 Posted in Anecdotes, Blog Posts

There’s a Chinese buffet I sometimes go to Friday afternoons. Every week I let myself cheat on some fatty, greasy food. Sometimes it’s pizza, sometimes it’s a bacon double cheeseburger. But mostly it’s this crappy Chinese buffet food (which I suspect resembles traditional Chinese food in much the same way that a traditional pizza from Italy resembles a deep-fried Baco-Meat-Lov-R-Maxx pan pizza from Pizza Hut).

For 8 bucks I can load up my plate (and arteries) with chicken wings, sweet and sour pork, chicken balls and sixteen other things that pretty much drip grease onto the plate. If I can’t actually hear my ass getting fatter while eating, a restaurant’s wasting my time.

Today’s Friday. That meant my precious Chinese buffet.

So I was completely alarmed to walk over to it today and find it closed. Not just closed, but completely boarded up, with a thick wall covering it.

Because it’s a Chinese buffet, of course, the first thought that immediately runs through your head is: was it closed… or shut down?

The second, much more frightening thought: why was it shut down?

Three: did it have anything to do with the fact that after eating there, my poops glowed a soft green?

Has anybody else frequented a restaurant that got closed down, possibly for health violations? Or am I just recklessly stupid with my life?